Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
