I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
