I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
