If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
