giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize