there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Everyone says I win the strip club
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
