The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
