Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
