My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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