I'm gonna have a badass scar
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love you.
Bad choice
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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