im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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