Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
