It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
