I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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