he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the condom got lost in my hair
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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