we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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