i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
