Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
