just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
