Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
