my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
