White coat. Heels.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
