Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
