apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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