i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
