My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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