you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
