I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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