So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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