i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
