Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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