so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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