You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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