You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize