All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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