The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize