I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
