i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize