Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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