she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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