He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
