you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
