we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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