I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
