I just cut my nipple shaving
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
