My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
