Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
