who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
