I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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