those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
