why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
