2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
