i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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