Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
