Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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