You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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