soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
