He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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