guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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