Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
