I got chris browned last night
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
