Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
please don't ironically join a cult
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