nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
