i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
