i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
