you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
