hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
