Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
