i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
