I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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