I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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