At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
