I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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