I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
