That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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