im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
