My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
