If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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