Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
