Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
