I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
