Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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