I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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