Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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