I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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