I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
