someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
