And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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