I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
