Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
